|3 minute read|
Expecting more and receiving less. The rhythm of my days as of late. But what is fair in expectations? Who do they cater to? Once over a late brunch and unsure footing, my friend said to me, “expectations rob the joy out of the moment.” Since then I’ve been thinking, rolling this sentiment over in my mind, letting it collect dust. Do our expectations work for us or against us? For a moment, the second it arrives in your mind, is the longest an expectation can ever be perfect. Reality is uninhabitable for an expectation to live, not equipped with what is needed to allow it to flourish, seemingly always falling short. Perhaps once or twice it does prosper and we leave the situation content in our predictions. But an expectations’ comfort is nestled in the mind, maybe never seeing the light of day, secretive and sly in its purpose, undermining our experiences.
In hindsight my friend was right. In the circumstance that your preconceived expectations are not met, the only feeling one can be left with is disappointment. Something doesn’t go as planned, a vacation itinerary is shifted from a cancellation, or the workplace isn’t as exciting as advertised, and all of a sudden reality can’t live up. But why place reality and expectations on a hierarchy in the first place? To assume that assumptions would be better than what is meant to unfold seems silly in introspection. Taking a page from my last post, embracing the natural turn of events allows for things to happen as they should. So what if we release ourselves from our expectations? Break free from a cycle of discontent.
Imagine walking into a party. Black dress, black heels. Maybe a pressed button up and slacks. Putting on an outfit that took enough time to pick out, it feels only right to expect people to comment about it. Maybe impress a stranger, receive a compliment in exchange for a smile. And all night this is the focus, a blur of conversation, losing count of drinks, and not remembering anything from the night except the fact that your expectations were not met because nobody uttered a word about how you looked. The expectations in the form of tunnel vision stole the experience out of the moment. But now imagine every expectation was dropped, only expecting to go to this party to see what happens, let the night take the lead. Embracing all that comes and goes, moment to moment, collecting experiences without the stain of falling short of anything. This is real life; expecting anything other than the rawness of an honest moment is futile.
Yet I would argue that we expect a lot of ourselves, as we do other people. Perhaps we set goals, eager to achieve a milestone, or want to advance in our vocations. So we turn-up the stakes and ramp up our standards. Actions matching our intentions, we might succeed in our 5am workouts or instead find burnout quicker than anticipated. Can expectations be used as tools to navigate towards or away from what doesn’t work? Can we separate far enough from ourselves to lean into an unbiased judgment on the direction in which we should go? Expectations that steer us into the right habits, the right frame of mind; expectations that become useful in application.
Assuming that in the context of people, standards and expectations are synonymous. I’ve expected many people to act differently than they have, leaving me hurt and alone with only my disappointment keeping me company. The situation begs the question; who is to blame? Is it me? For not communicating what I wanted, placing my unspoken standards on them. And unbeknownst to them, failed in reaching the bar I set so high? Or is it them? No longer compatible with the reality I’m seeking, bruising me in their process. “I expected more from you”, assumptions turned resentment. Two cowards at odds with one another, expecting it all and receiving nothing. After a few instances, I realized how foolish it is to expect anything from someone.
We define our own expectations. Dancing in a play we created, everyone not knowing the part they play, puppets of our own made-up scenarios. Destined for an encore but never receiving a standing ovation, falling short of what is wanted, what is desired. A transaction with an unequal payout. Are expectations our enemies? But again, we define our own expectations, making it a choice. Breaking out of our secret world, into a life that we simply get to experience. For the best things are never really anticipated.
So what is to be expected? To assume that expectation can not be interchanged with guaranteed. Expect nothing and receive everything. In exchange for an open mind, not clouded with preconceived notions of certainty, all is granted as it should. What if everything is better than what we make up? Moving our way through life without laying a fragile set of standards before us, escaping the land mines of our own making. Nothing is guaranteed, so enjoy the thrill, enjoy what is in front of you. And if it isn’t what you wanted, so what? I guess expecting nothing is expecting it all; expect love, expect heartache, expect joy, expect tears. Because regardless of your take on expectations, you can't shy away from what is real.
I expected this post to be much different, how silly am I,
natalie <3
