In lieu of reflecting, a rewarding or dangerous road to travel, I have realized that consequently as time passes, the more one acquires; possessions, knowledge, trinkets, clothes, relationships, wisdom, experience, jobs, etc. This flurry of things has the capability to blur the time as it is passing, skipping from one thing to another, to another, twelve months flashes right in front of your eyes. Talking about twelve months doesn't seem like much time. Or maybe to you it does, but in hindsight it is an entire 365 days full of the new possessions, knowledge, trinkets, clothes, relationships, wisdom, and experiences as aforementioned. A collection so rarely ever predicted.
Twelve months ago I graduated college, escaping the structure of school and diving head first into the riptide of reality. Out of the frying pan and into the fire one could say. And as I have mentioned in so many other posts, the only thing I should have expected was the unexpected; the twists and turns, the heartbreak, the disappointment, and the opportunities that fell into and out of my lap. The majority of my first year post grad was a balance on the edge of a cliff. Was I about to fall over into the abyss? Was I going to choose to jump and hope something at the bottom would catch me? Or was I going to lean and look over, two feet on the ground, but my head somewhere beyond my body, in contemplation, in disguise, in curiosity. I never believed the horror stories of what lies beyond one’s school days. To me it seemed like a relief to get out of a place where the people and the energy were not serving me most days of the week. To which I felt a weight off my shoulders, back in my hometown, diploma in hand, the world in front of me, the mirage of my future.
It hasn’t been as glamorous as I had wanted, and I go back and forth with regret, another thing like my friend stress. Creeping thoughts into my mind, shoulda, woulda, coulda. But in the same breath, all is as it should be. I thought I would be fully transitioned now, the whiplash of change far behind me. But the truth is it took me a long time to become accustomed to what it was like to not have a set schedule, to not dance as much as I used to, and the frustrations that came along with all of it. People change for better or for worse, and the times do too. These twelve months have changed me in ways I know I needed, a necessary metamorphosis that guides one into paths that you just can’t think up for yourself. So I’d like to share twelve thoughts, things, ruminations, that these past twelve months have taught me, in hopes that it can project us into the next twelve months with the intention of change and choosing ourselves time and time again.
1). Words are words and actions are actions. What is physically done is what matters, words become as loose and fragile as clouds passing on to be forgotten, it only matters what one does.
2). When making a decision, honor your reaction first. Were you excited? Were you anxious? Were you stressed? Scared? Confused? Leaning into what your body is telling you can help this process, being guided by intuition.
3). In the same breath, determine why you might feel a certain way towards something. Are you declining an invitation for a valid reason, or are you just afraid to go out? Are you apprehensive to do something different because of a real time conflict, or is it imposter syndrome? The examples go on and on, but always embrace the metacognition of oneself.
4). Any experience is good experience. The outcome that you desire or try to predict has a slim chance of actually happening. Absorbing the real outcome as a good story, acquired knowledge, or practice still makes the moment worth it; what is the best that could happen? But do not become so attached or so precious with certain results. Embrace the bumps in the road and know that things happen as they should.
5). Sleep becomes more important the more time goes on. Too often in school I would have sleep as my second or third priority, but once I had more time to organize my day, sleep became of utmost importance, the backbone of my health. The body will work for you, but you have to work for it as well.
6). Honoring and feeding your connections is extremely important. What can you offer others and what can others offer you? From your entire walk of life, the people who have played a meaningful part should always remain important. My middle school english teacher, my highschool dance mentor, a rekindled friend from my dance studio. Collecting connections and keeping in contact cultivates a community worth having. You are only as successful as the network that supports you.
7). As time moves on, your inner circle may grow smaller and smaller and this is not something to fear. These relationships can also be fluid, in rhythm with you.
8). Be careful what you share. I often have gone back and forth with sharing information that is important to me or keeping it to myself. Does the universe reward you for speaking it into existence or can someone with ill intentions snatch it out of the air and poison it. Decide what you think and stick to it. From what I have learned, things are better left unsaid… something I’m still working on.
9). Decide how you like to make decisions. Are you a go with your gut type of person or do you reside in the comfort of more time? My mom told me recently that you have to honor your feelings towards your choices because it is only you that has to live with said choice. What is best for you?
10). Niches and trends are the quickest way for authenticity to diminish. Putting yourself in a box helps absolutely nobody. As eccentric as it may seem, or as odd or ill fitting it may be, be everything you want, like everything you want. Even if it seems to clash, even if it mismatches, it’s better to be technicolor than beige.
11). Don’t quit your day job, the hardest pill to swallow. Sometimes the only thing you have to work for is money, and that is such an important part of a journey, as much as I wish it wasn’t so. Oftentimes I feel like I am moving backwards, or not doing enough. Consumed with a job that doesn’t align with my ultimate career goals only makes me feel like I am at odds with myself. But at the end of the day, it is money to be saved, and I won’t be in this season of my life forever. The most important part of a journey is the building blocks along the way, and the day job that generates enough income for the next step is just as important. Greta Gerwig shared in an interview that she had a day job until she was almost 30 years old. Nothing to be ashamed of when you believe that success is around the corner.
12). Know what is best for you and do not waver. Go confidently forward defending yourself and seeking the best. Advocating for yourself is the only way to build trust with future you.
But with all of that said, my only credibility is having a year of post grad under my belt. Even from the time I wrote this, I have been muddled with new experiences and feelings and reflections. A journey that goes on and on. With many of these points I am still a fledgling teacher, still stumbling my way through moments, learning as I go. Out of school, but still learning. How funny is that.
as time moves on,
natalie <3
